It has been awhile since I had any inclination to write or actually to communicate with others. It's like I am waking up from a bad dream. I am so very, very fortunate to be alive and well. There are so many folk with cancer and health challenges that are not as lucky as I.
As I have said many times, the lifestyle change that I chose is pretty drastic for most. It is interesting to me that after three months without sugar, I have no desire or cravings for the sweet treats. It really is an addiction.
My juicer broke down twice in the last month, which meant two five days stints with no green juice or wheatgrass. My farming had to cease and I ended up throwing away several pounds of greens. Truly a bummer! Man, did I miss my green drinks. After a few days, my energy started to decrease and so did my mood. Did I replace one habit with another? Probably, but my body is definitely letting me know which habit it likes better.
I found this CBS news piece on MSN news when I logged on this evening. It inspired me to write and share the link.
You may have to copy and paste in your browser. HOHUM
Great! Now that I am getting a grip on the cancer challenge, it is time to address the AFIB. Since I still have vertigo, the nurse practitioner prescribed a lower dose of my heart medicine. My BP was 82/40 and she felt that might have something to do with my vertigo. Sounded fine to me because I am on a roll to get rid of all the challenges that have developed over the last couple of years. Well, she did not order the right dosage and I went from 100 mg to 25 mg. This sent me into a tailspin of tacycardia and AFIB and the Merlin monitor people were calling me everyday to express concerns over my heart rate. HOHUM.
I had a meeting with the cardiologist and the pace maker folks and they decided 75 mg. I told them 50 mg would probably be fine and my plan is to keep on my current health regime and improve my heart function. The doctor was cool with my recommendation and also apologetic for the crazy runaround I have been getting regarding a life or death diagnosis. He said, "Well, I guess (they) got the cancer or you would be dead now. Or at least very sick." Gotta love the bed side manner, eh?
I haven't done anything earth-shattering, with my second chance, so to speak. I mainly "farm" and do research on seed prices and growing techniques, there is alot of information and a plethora of resources out there, which is encouraging. Getting my hands dirty is therapy for the soul and quite honestly, I am in a strange place. If I had to analyze it, I guess the appropriate acronym would be PTSS. Post trumatic stress, like waiting for the other foot to fall. You would think I would be numb by now.
After all the twists and turns my emotions and thoughts have taken, I have had to internalize most of my thoughts and do some real introspection. Time will sort things out, I am sure. It's just that I can't go back to the "old way" of existing and I don't have a solid footing on the new path, yet. Of course, everything will be fine, or not, and that's one thing you can count on.
It is taking me awhile to get out and socialize. The "new me" is a little shy and I'm not quite sure I am really interested in the activities that were part of the "old me". Right now, I am playing with Ayden (school starts soon) and just taking time to heal. I am missing friends and conversation. Maybe next week I will venture out for some quality time and take me for a test drive.
1. common bile duct stent in place with mild intrahepatic bile duct dilatation present throughout the liver. 2. Stable small hepatic systs, no evidence of new or enlarging hepatic mass. 3. Stable small periportal lymph nodes. 4. Stable centimeter nodules at the base of the left lung."
The preceding was written on a piece of paper that the oncologist handed me when I entered his office. He said, "We will be watching you like a hawk." I read the sheet of paper and said, "Does this mean there is no cancerous tumor?" He nodded and smiled. "This is all really good news, right?" He nodded again and continued to smile. I stood up and said, "See ya!" and with tears of gratitude in my eyes bolted out of the building. I stopped when I got into the middle of the parking lot, where I let out one huge yell, " THANK YOU, JESUS!!!!!"
What a huge relief! It was enough to put me in somewhat of a state of shock. I locked the keys in the car at the health food store and still could not stop grinning from ear to ear. What a strange feeling. I keep waiting for the other foot to fall, so to speak. Can it be true? Well, of course it can, and I already knew it, it was just seeing it in black and white, finally.
Next, challenge is the abnormal heart rate. Losing weight and a vegan diet have already helped, add some exercise and quiet time (that is the challenge) and miracles can happen and are expected.
"Start living, cause you ain't dying", is what my insides are saying. So with that theme in mind, I had the best ride ever on a pimped out, bad ass Harley. Not mine, but it is on my patio and mine for the time being. Yeeeeeeeee Hawwwwww!
P.S. I don't ride bitch! Throb! Throb!
So far, three people have contacted me to ask for the name of the Hippocrates Institute so they could give it to loved ones that have been diagnosed with cancer. If I can help anyone with this information or share some of the experiences, please let me know. I am more than willing to talk to someone that got hit with the "C" word or any health challenge that could possibly be addressed by alternative treatment.
Many people have shared information and web sites with me and I would be more than happy to pass this info on to others. I have recipes for raw food, growing sprouts, meditation and spiritual web sites and organizations to improve nutrition awareness, support organizations and many more resources for wellness.
This lifestyle change is not easy, nor is it a quick fix. Please know that if the oncologist would have told me there was a tumor that could be easily removed, immediately, with some chemo treatments to follow, I probably would have been scared out of my mind by the diagnosis and proceeded to the OR as quickly as possible. Get it out! Get it over with! Now I have to take responsiblity for my health and not just expect the doctors to "fix it" and go back to my old destructive ways. HOHUM
My case was not that cut and dry, so to speak. Alternatives seemed like the only path for me. Now that I am on this path, I am happy that I made the choice that I did, if for no other reason than the quality of life I have now. The surgical, exploratory route offered months and months of recovery and illness. God bless all the folk in that position.
It is a choice, and a transformation of beliefs to go with an alternative instead of the traditional treatments and a choice that should be discussed with loved ones and professionals. It is not for everyone, however, from my perspective it should be considered as a viable option, especially by insurance providers and the medical field in general.
Some of my friends say they admire my will-power, I just ask them what would they do if it were a matter of "life or death"? One friend said, "Just shoot me!" I love it! Go ahead and take the easy way out, why don't ya.
Monday, I will have a CT scan to check out my liver. Wednesday, I will meet with the oncologist and go over the results. All positive thoughts and prayers are welcome and deeply appreciated.
This being well and healthy lifestyle choice is quite challenging at times. The good news is that feeling good feels SO GOOD! I have a new appreciation for being well. It is so good to be able to DO things. I am able to garden my farm, ride a bike, go for walks, play with Ayden, clean the house, take a bath and visit with friends. Oh yeah, and write a blog.
The two or three hours of the day that I am farming (I am not in a hurry), is like meditation. I am reminded of a caretaker of a bonsai tree. The plants are given lots of loving attention and positive energy.
Positive energy, positive thoughts, positive actions, positive feelings and positive words, this is where the true WORK takes place. Of course, as I have alluded to before, the holistic approach to healing incorporates more than just diet. On the last night of graduation at Hippocrates Institute, I was blown away by Debbie Papalakis' hypnosis demonstration. It seemed like she could put you in a trance by looking at you. It was so quick and so effective. WOW!!!
Anyway, something that Debbie said about how our words have power, rang home. For example, if we complain about our food (sprouts!) or the nauseating sweet taste of wheatgrass (put it in a shot glass and follow with lemon, like shooting tequila), it will not be a positive dining experience and you will not receive the benefits of your food or that incredible green elixir. I now say a little prayer of gratitude before drinking my daily wheatgrass. By the way, I have subscribed to Debbie's newsletter, she is a fireball!
Presently, well actually, for the last month, I have been having vertigo. My doctor said it was allergy related and prescribled nasal spray and Clariton(sp?). Also, my blood pressure is 85/46, so this might also have something to do with it. Ya think? Well, I am not taking the pills or spray and I am lowering (cutting in half) my dose of blood pressure medication. I have added a few more supplements to my diet. Of course, my doctor is aware of this and I explained my plan to get off the medication entirely. It is the only prescribed medication I am taking. Six months ago, I was taking a shelf full of pills.
I am not going to question what is working for me, just keep on keeping on and reaping the benefits...
I haven't been able to write down my thoughts lately, because I was too confused to put any of them into words. If I were to share my last oncologist visit with you, it would probably resemble a vaudeville performance, with me as the Socratic straight man. Let's just say we came to an agreement. Every 3 months (or so), I will be tested by a CT scan for any signs of cancer. We have laid down the knives and are holding the surgeons at bay. It was a compromise. HOHUM. They can't find IT and I like it. Also, for more good health news, I have cut my blood pressure/heart medication in half and I don't take any other medication. I do take supplements for such things as immune system building, digestion and pro-biotics.
On the "what is happening for real' side, I am well and feel great! My focus right now is to incorporate more of the other disciplines of the Hippocrates experience. I seem to have developed a routine with the "kitchen farm". So now there is exercise, sunlight, meditation/silent prayer, and rest. I think I have the "rest" part mastered and we (Ayden, if he's around) take a 2 mile bicycle trip, three times a day.
I tried the meditation on the hammock, yesterday. Put on my earphones, tuned in and turned on and woke up two hours later. Whoa, wonder where I went? The sunlight happens on the bike trips and since I am into the dirt with my "farm", I got motivated to transplant all the neglected outdoor house plants. More vitamin D, sunshine and more exercise than I have gotten in a couple of years. There are a lot of aloe plants so I am thinking...dessert? This little project has been going on for over a week. Yes it is relaxing and Eckhart Tolle would be impressed with the zen-like attention I am giving these babies. It's just that there are so many plants.
If you ever feeled inclined to get me a plant, just make sure I can eat it or smoke it. My aching back...
The crops are growing, I am riding my bicycle everyday and just enjoying doing things around the house. Staying healthy is still a full time job for me and every day I wonder where the time goes. It gets easier, and it is like my garage. As soon as I get a little time or space, I fill it with another project or recipe search. I am so glad I am able to do all the things I do.
This week, I had a praxis healing experience with a practitioner from Atlanta. I relaxed on my recliner and she read my body and chakras to identify any potential problems or blockages. She said she did not see anything that would indicate cancer. Keep those affirmations coming, lord. She did mention that I would benefit greatly from some guided meditation and I agreed that I felt a void in that area. If you have time to surf Praxis Healing, it is very interesting and utilizes Quantum healing/touch. Another friend just turned me on to the Divine Matrix which also refers to a Quantum Vortex, I am reading that in my spare time.
I appreciate all the input and feedback I get on healing and the practices that have resurfaced from ancient healing disciplines. It is fascinating and enlightning. Of course, all of this means nothing if I am poisoning myself with sugar and preservatives. Speaking of good food, today's lunch was beet humus, avacado, sunny sprouts, lentil sprouts and a lovely russian mix blend of sprouts with jalapeno, orange bell pepper, some crunchy raw chips, garlic all rolled into a collard green leaf (the new raw bread). Yum, yum...
A travel coordinator left me a message yesterday to let me know that they are trying to (long pause) uh, figure out where to send me for my cat scan. They are looking at either Biloxi, Ms or Pensacola, Fl. As far as following up with the surgeons, they can have someone in Biloxi do that too. She let me know that this would have to be handled by Friday, because she is going on vacation. HOHUM. She's gone.
Next Wednesday I have an appointment with my Biloxi oncologist to talk about ????? Right now, I am just going though the motions. I personally am relieved by negative results, I believe cancer can "go away" or mutate to a normal cell. Needless to say, life has been real different since the initial diagnosis.
Like everyone else on the planet, I have friends that are currently in the cancer survivor mode and using the more traditional therapies. They were not told their tumors were inoperable, so they went to chemo and surgery shortly after they were diagnosed. I feel very fortunate right now to be able to ride a bicycle around the block and plant food to eat and feel good most days. Sometimes it feels like I am mutating into a new me and the slate is wide open for interpretation. Look out, HERE I GO AGAIN... WHATS NEXT?????
Woke up this morning to a leaking roof, sorry, Scimon, I wish it would have been your fault. We had a record breaking amount of rain today, 15 inches in just a few hours. This is more rain than a tropical storm or hurricane. There was nothing to do about the leaks, other than spread out some beach towels, so I decided to work on the "farm". I sprouted and have planted the sunflower sprouts and started some more wheatgrass soaking. It is an ongoing process and worth the effort, considering the cost of these live nutrients. It is also kinda cool to grow my own food.
I order my seeds from sproutpeople.org and use their online instructions/videos as guidance. It really is good to have videos to actually see how the plants should progress on a daily basis. I have a Russian blend of seeds that they put together for a flavorable bouquet of greens. It is my first attempt to sprout seeds. If sprouts are going to be 50% of my diet, I must be adventurous. That's me living wild!
My coordinator from Houston did call on Friday and said they were going to schedule me for an MRI and when I asked her about the test results, she seemed confused and told me again that my case is complicated. I asked again for the results and she said they were positive and referred to my gall bladder operation and the findings then, were a malignant tumor and lymph cell. I again asked if the last test had in fact found cancer, she then stated, "Cancer just doesn't go away". Excuse me, but I actually had to laugh at how absurd this whole process is and stop my self from blaming doctors and assistants and the whole cancer "business". Time to let it go...
The bottom line is that she will get back to me before the end of the day. Still waiting, kinda...
It has been two weeks since my trip to Houston and still no word from the rushed test results. I decided to call my Biloxi cancer coordinator and see if she had any information. Of course, she was just getting ready to call me to tell me she hasn't been able to get any results from my pathology. How wierd. (Her words). I am already convinced the cancer is gone or whatever cancer does when it goes back to being a normal cell, so this is just a formality and I probably will not call again. So there.
Meanwhile, back on the ranch, the wheatgrass has been harvested and will be tested this evening for dinner. Today is a fasting day so wheatgrass and green juice is the fare. It really isn't bad and I can't believe that I don't have any cravings. It has been several weeks since I started this new lifestyle and I am suprised how good things are tasting now compared to a few weeks ago. It's like I just got tastebuds and the food has flavors, which I am starting to be able to differentiate. I am enjoying my food. Huh?
The seeds arrived yesterday and today I started soaking the sunflower sprouts. This is my main stable, next to the wheatgrass elixir. I am taking it a seed at a time, because it is still a little overwhelming. Look out, though, I think I have the "bug" and will be looking at herbs and veggies and who knows what next!!